I went to see Martha play in Birmingham last night with Radiator Hospital and Okinawa Picture Show. I’m pretty rubbish at going out on weeknights but this was worth the effort. After a weekend of tears and feelings of “what’s the point?” I needed something to remind me that I can still feel ok, I can still feel like it’s ok to be me – awkward face, words and all. Going to gigs like this does that for me.
“Oh my heart, I try to keep it open,
Oh my heart, I try to keep it full,
There’s a world outside where I feel so broken,
But you make me feel mendable”
– six men getting sick six times
I’ve been playing this song over and over for the past few weeks. I would have loved to hear them play it last night but never mind. Go and download it here and fling ’em some cash because they are great and make things a little brighter.
“And I’m too tired to care about it
Can’t you see this in my face?
The emphasis is on coping”
Less blue skies days and more rain has left me feeling glum. Not entirely depressed, but also not that far off. Some days I have been one bad thing away from ending up in tears. I haven’t felt up to writing recently – which is usually the times I most need to.
I want to write another zine but I feel blocked. I’ve been mulling over what the point is of me writing these when there are so many other more interesting, creative and prolific zinesters. There is no art is my sadness, I’m no good at expressing myself in any way that will give people an insight on their own condition. I suppose I just write as a form of therapy – I write to work out how I feel about things, to process my opinions and work out my own biases and weak points. I think lately I have focussed too much creative energy on the final thing I am making, rather than to look at the path I take to get there and all the benefits that brings me.
Here’s a list of tiny tiny tiny things that have been keeping me going;
♥ 150 new emojis ♥ borrowing ebooks from the library ♥ Goat Simulator ♥ Learning hiragana characters ♥ Bumping into fellow ingress players on campus ♥ Replaying Monument Valley ♥ Finding jeans that fit & are comfy ♥ Meeting friends for brunch on the weekends ♥ Listening to podcasts on the bus to and from work ♥ Trying out new Just Dance songs (I have 3 discs now) ♥ Clean sheets ♥ Finally filling my paper journal ♥ Seeing beautiful sunsets from train or bus windows